This is the conversation that I had with my bigger brother, Santhosh that made a lasting impression on me,
this happened few years back when my brother had just bought a pair of woodland shoes worth 2000/-
and I was bit unfomfortable seeing him paying so much for a shoe then …
and It led to following conversation

Me: “Anna, don’t you think 2000 is too huge a sum to pay for a shoe ?”

Anna: “No, this is from woodland. Its quality is good”

Me: “But, still I would have taken a 1000 RS shoe and would have done something else with the other part ..”

Anna: “..Like ?”

Me: ” … Hamm … Donating to cry or such organization or ….”

Anna: “Wait! … Why do you want to do that ?”

Me: “well…We need to help the needy, alwa ?”

Anna: “hmmm …. What will you get out of doing it ?”

Me: “what will I get ? Nothing … Actually I loose 1000 Rs ..”

Anna: “No, you get happiness out of doing that .. alwa ?”

Me: “hmmmm….. May be ..”

Anna: “what may be ? .. think over it. You would not have done if you have not got happiness ..”

Me: “Hmmmm…..May be true. But… We are doing good for others .. And doing a sacrifice ..”

Anna: “..Do whatever, you are just buying happiness for yourself … And anything you do for yourself is selfishness !!!”

Me: “Selfishness ???”

Anna: “Yes, but only means of satisfying ourselves are different, that’s it .. ”

Anna: ” my means of happiness is a 2000 Rs shoe and yours is donating the same amount to some one ..”

Anna: ” if you see the end result in mind, in both cases ..Just that means of achieving them are different .. Ha ha”

Anna: “get this that ultimately both are selfishness !!!”

… And I was dumbfounded ….

And I got it ….
I got that both actions(my brothers and mine) are out of pure selfishness …
and are to satisfy the EGO … just the means are different …
and any act that springs to satisfy the EGO … irrespective of end result/actions taken ..is an act to boast itself(EGO) at various levels … and nothing else 🙁

.. and I am waiting for the day when my actions are not just to satisfy the self/Ego …
but till then struggle continues ..